Author Topic: Random Funnies  (Read 2079 times)

EveningStar

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #150 on: July 15, 2017, 10:16:39 AM »

EveningStar

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #151 on: July 15, 2017, 01:48:26 PM »

EveningStar

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #152 on: July 17, 2017, 10:43:22 AM »

byram

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #153 on: July 17, 2017, 11:33:31 AM »


I wish I had that ability, not for my wife but for politicians.  :esgrin:

Justaguy

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #154 on: July 23, 2017, 08:07:43 AM »
A young lady walks over to me and asks, “What brings you in today?”

I looked at her, and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.”

She didn’t quite know how to respond. 

Am I getting to be that age?

*********

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.

I can’t afford one. So I’m wearing my garage door opener.

*********

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

************

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it ‘Pumping Rust.’

**************

When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?”

Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”

***************

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency.

I think you should write, ‘An ambulance.’

*************

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

*****************

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

**************

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

*********

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble..

**********

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘ The’ and ‘ IRS ‘ together it spells ‘Theirs…’

****************

Ageing: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

**************

Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me.

I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.

I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

**************

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.

***********

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
"There is no hope in government. There is only hope in the Lord and the freedom He gave us."- AtomicLibSmasher, Aug. 2008

 “It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled.” - Mark Twain

EveningStar

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #155 on: September 04, 2017, 01:01:14 PM »

EveningStar

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #156 on: September 15, 2017, 11:25:26 AM »
« Last Edit: September 15, 2017, 11:28:24 AM by EveningStar »

EveningStar

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #157 on: September 30, 2017, 10:58:47 AM »
Black Testicles

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body."
 
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely, a r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

EveningStar

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #158 on: October 10, 2017, 11:44:56 AM »

Meshuge Mikey

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Re: Random Funnies
« Reply #159 on: October 16, 2017, 12:34:27 PM »
ya just  know it HAD to happen